Shattered
by tawnyscrawnylion
Summary: It happened so fast. Too fast, even for me. My reflexes were unmatchable in the human world. At home, that was another story. Bella cut her finger opening a present. And Jasper lunged. -- One Shot Edward POV, Enjoy :P


It happened so fast.

Too fast, even for me.

My reflexes were unmatchable in the human world. At home, that was another story.

Bella cut her finger opening a present. And Jasper lunged.

I sat outside, my head in my hands, trying to focus on my breathing in and out, trying to block the scene from my memory. I thought about Bella, and how I'd always worried about average human things that could kill her. From the internal things like food poisoning, heart failure, disease, a collapsed lung, cancer.. And the external things like getting hit by a car, falling off a cliff, being killed, raped, suicide.. It was beyond my control, and I knew it. I had just gotten comfortable enough with Bella that I didn't think she would _die_.

And here I sat. My icy heart completely shattered. Bella was _dead_. I choked on the words in my mind. I shuddered and sobbed replaying the split seconds over and over in my head.

I could see her. Smiling, sliding her finger under the wrapping paper, wincing as she cut her finger. And in that split second, Jasper lunged at her. It was panic. It was frightening and confusing. I tried to pull Jasper off of her, but he threw me aside like a rag doll. Emmett ran to wrestle with him but it was too late. Bella lay on the cold tile in the foyer, her neck snapped, her brown eyes foggy and shot wide open in terror. I took a single, heartwrenching step toward her. Carlisle looked at me, his eyes full of grief and panic. Alice looked at me, a strange glaze over her face. She was having a vision. A vision of the world without Bella. I didn't want to know what it was.

I ran out of the house and straight to our meadow. The meadow when I'd first shown Bella my "true colors", so to speak. I couldn't do this. I couldn't live like this. A world where Bella didn't exist wasn't a world, it was hell. No, it was _purgatory_. If I were dead, at least there would be the ever-so-slightest chance that I would see Bella in my afterlife. But more likely than not, I wouldn't. How could a soul-less vampire end up in the same place as Bella?

Bella was so good, so kind. Full of love and life. And me? I was a monster. My whole family were monsters. Rage shook me so hard I could hear the trees moan and birds chirp as they left their former sanctuaries. The day was sunny, bright, and warm. How? How could the universe be celebrating such a wretched day? I sobbed again, it was uncontrollable. I haven't cried since I was a human, and even then, I had tears to show for my efforts. This sobbing was dry, sticking in my throat and then lunging out without control.

I was so consumed with my grieving thoughts that I didn't hear Carlisle coming from the forest.

"Edward," he sighed. His calming voice was the last thing I needed right now. I didn't want to be calm. I wanted to die. He continued anyways. "Edward, please come home."

"I don't have a home. Home is for the living. I feel dead," I sobbed.

Carlisle took a step toward me and put a tender yet firm hand on my shoulder blade. I shrugged him off.

I sighed. I stood up and faced Carlisle. I felt rage. And sorrow. And fear, and pity, and guilt.

"Edward, there's something I need to tell you," he started.

"I don't want to hear it, Carlisle! Can't you see I'm in no mood for _talking_? The absolute love of my life is gone, and she's never coming back. And it's all my fault!" Carlisle tried to interrupt me but I kept up my ranting. "She didn't deserve this. Not at all. If I hadn't been so stupid, so selfish.. She never wanted a birthday party, why couldn't Alice just have respected that? Why?"

Carlisle took the opportunity to speak when I paused, struggling to find my voice again.

"Edward, Bella is alive. She's okay. I've managed to save her." was all he said before leaping into the wilderness, running for home.

I processed everything he'd said to me, like it didn't make sense, or was in a foreign language. Bella was _alive_? How? How was that possible? I ran as fast at my legs could possibly carry me to the house.

Bella was upstairs in Carlisle's office, unconcious, her skin a funny color, not quite like mine but definitely not like hers. It was cold, and pale. Her brown hair was caked with blood and matted in all kinds of directions. This was not my Bella. My Bella had creamy skin, soft chocolate hair, a warm embrace, and most importantly, a pulse. This Bella was starting her transformation. She was becoming a new Bella, a Bella who would have crimson eyes instead of deep brown. A Bella with unhuman grace and agility, instead of the endearing clutz I'd fallen in love with. A Bella, who was not Bella at all.

I sat down next to the bed where she lay, holding her hand. I leaned in to her ear.

"I'm sorry Bella, so sorry.." I whispered. And now I wait. Wait for the transformation that will forever steal my Bella from me. I sobbed one last time, and lay my head on the bed next to her.


End file.
